jetsetgreen

Friday, June 10, 2011

Oh, This Baby


I'm at the stage now where you can't actually stand up after you've been sitting and start moving, you have to stand up, and then wait until everything adjusts. Next comes the part where you tell yourself, Kill Bill style, to move your legs. Move your leg. Go ahead, move it forward. That way. No, seriously, move it. If you're lucky, one of your legs will start moving while your spine screams a rabbit-like protestation.

If there's a wall nearby, all the better, because you don't actually have to pick up your leg, you can kind of lean over, put your hand on the wall, and then try to get your legs to move. After a couple of staggering steps, you feel comfortable enough to push your hands into the small of your back to balance the weight pushing down your front and keep moving your legs. And you thought pushing hands into a lower back was a cliche!

Yesterday morning, after eating oatmeal with dried fruits and nuts, I had raging heartburn. That's ridiculous. There should be no such thing as morning heartburn, and if there is, by Poseidon's Trident I'm going to switch over to chili dogs and hot wings because suffering for granola is stupid. Let's see how you like heartburn NOW, baby doll!

Now, let's gild the lily with a hacking cough with a stuffy nose. I am the picture of glowing abundance! I am Gaia! All should welcome my radiance and post-nasal drip!




Over at Today's Mama:

Summer Time and Bedtimes

Keeping Kids Up and Busy

13 comments:

Marianne & Clayton said...

Right there with ya darling. Can't walk for beans.

The other heartburn indignity is waking up at 4:30 a.m. with burning, burning, burning. I haven't eaten in over 6 hours! Why the heck am I on fire? So rude.

Hey, I want to have my baby today. Let's just do it. I mean, why not?

Jennifer B. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer B. said...

Your ending sentences are just too good. Hail Gaia! (Hope you can survive the time you have left.)

Emily said...

I agree--if you're going to suffer heartburn, it better be over something super delicious, super spicy and slightly unhealthy.

P.S. I love the belly picture!

wendysue said...

Look on the bright side! That is one expensive Pedicure you've got there!!


It will end. I promise. You will not be a medical marvel. (This was my mantra with every pregnancy to get me through.)

kami @ nobiggie.net said...

I love that photo! YaY for it all! I'm excited for you!

The redhead said...

I'm so stubborn with my pregnant body that I would have tried to paint my toenails myself . . . I hope you didn't do that.

Michelle said...

Oh how I feel your pain. I have to stand up a full two minutes before everyone and sometimes even that doesn't give me enough time to get myself moving in time with everyone else.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

Oh, sister, I feel your pain. Heartburn after eating a piece of bread, whaa?? My 2-year-old grunts when he bends over because that's what mama does!

dmarie said...

i LOVE that photo...cutest feet!! i am done having babies, but i have the residual heartburn...
:)

AzĂșcar said...

Barb, that's hilarious. Yesterday I asked Proximo to pick up something for me. He put one hand on his back and "tried" to bend over and then told he he couldn't because his tummy got in his way...

Wonder where he got that from.

Kalli said...

School is out. Park yourself somewhere cool and soft and order "room service". Only leave the house for trips to the drive-thru for Sonic crushed ice and corresponding tasty beverages.

This is what has gotten me through the last 2 weeks of August and September pregnancies.

Good times. Good times.

Bek said...

Carina!! You brought back so many memories.... the heartburn is brutal, but the not bring able to bend over is the worst. Come on baby!!!