Wednesday, August 17, 2011

A New Week!

Some of you might remember this, where I documented life without caffeine as mom to a newborn.

That ended tonight, while on my way to a work meeting, when I woke up on the freeway. Yes.

I pulled off the road, into the first gas station I could find, grabbed the “small” size (programming note: 20 ounces is small?) and drank 8 ounces of Diet Coke. I decided that it’s no good avoiding caffeine completely if the alternative is killing myself. You know. It’s the little things you do for your kids, like staying alive.

Hold on, Anonymous Internet Commenter! Yes, of course the solution is to get more sleep. Know what would be an even better solution? Paid maternity leave like every other industrialized country in the world.

In fact, I think this is Answer the Anonymous Internet Commenter Week at The Jet Set. .

Yes, Anonymous Internet Commenter, 8 ounces of Diet Coke. I'm a lightweight. People named Allison are always poking fun at my extreme sensitivity to caffeine, and every other ingestible substance.

I'm also aware, Anonymous Internet Commenter, that lots of people die, often tragically, as a result of drowsy driving. Let me know when my driver will arrive.

I think we can both agree, Anonymous Internet Commenter, that DVRing Millionaire Matchmaker was a low point in my nursing viewing habits. I apologize on behalf of myself, Comcast, BravoTV, the institution of marriage, both traditional and otherwise, and my mother.

From Today’s Mama If You're All Anonymously Commenting, "Why Isn't She Posting More Here?":

Why Do Schools Suck at Digital?
The Pagent Boy
School Uniforms


Delirious said...

Oh the courage displayed by someone who doesn't have to use their real name! I wonder if their comments would be as caustic if they fessed up on their real identity. :P

noelle said...

i'll start dropping off a will's special every morning on my way home from picking up mine :).

Kacy said...

Wake me when it's happy hour at Sonic.

La Carter said...

Wait, I'm confused. Does this mean I DON'T have to give up caffeine to be baptized? I mean really, that's what's been keeping me on the fence.

Marianne & Clayton said...

Amen. I'm a half and halfer myself. Oh, it's a word.

My niece (she's almost 30) would try to make me feel like a crack-mom because I ate chocolate and had my diet coke when I nursed. Ask me if I ever cared. Nevermind, I'll tell you. Nope.

AzĂșcar said...

La Carter- The joke around these parts is that good Mormons take their caffeine cold.

Marianne- if it doesn't bother the baby, why not?

La Yen said...

I love anonymous commenters. They are my favorite. I also love caffeine. It makes things bitter and delicious. And it makes me not kill the children.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for finally devoting a post to me!

Erin said...

Um, I would much rather have you drink caffeine than be dead.

I wrote a post yesterday giving support to people who are gay and lesbian, fully expecting Anonymous Commenter to come out of the woodwork. Apparently, (s)he is in hiding right now, because I haven't received the comment from him/her yet.

Fezfactiry said...

I too am blown away - I thought that you couldn't have caffeine and be a Mormon??!! When I see the local missionaries on their bikes I sometimes follow them a bit, wanting to ask this question and then chicken out, worried they'll think I'm weird for being so curious about caffeine (not the fact that I followed them, slowly, in my car for 6 blocks). Someday, would you clear this up for the curious, non-Mormon types?

AzĂșcar said...

Good question!

So, Mormons don't drink coffee. Or, at least, we're not supposed to drink coffee, individual results may vary. Some people think that the reason is the caffeine, but that's speculation because it's never been official. However, we're supposed to be careful with anything we take into our bodies, especially substances that are so altering and possibly addictive. But caffeine per say is not verboten--if it was then we couldn't eat chocolate and then there would be no Mormons.

Emily said...

You last comment made me laugh out loud. I consider Diet Coke my drug of choice. Cheaper than prescription drugs I'd have to get illegally anyway.

Celeste said...

Erin - the reason Anonymous Commenter has not posted is because they are in the closet, themselves.

Azucar - here in very high unemployment rate state of Michigan. . . . had to fill out a personality assessment for a job i was being 2nd interviewed for. Question was: Are you sarcastic?

i put yes. but i lied. i'm really not.

craftyashley said...

Don't let anyone fool you- more Diet Coke is the answer.

Melanie Jacobson said...

The Millionaire Matchmaker makes me wish I wasn't human.

Jillybean said...

I read this post while sipping on my breakfast Diet Dr Pepper.
I am just happier when I've had my DDP. My kids know this, and I have even trained them to run and get me one when I look at them a certain way.
Plus, it helps keep me awake after I've been up late working.
I did have some caffeine when I was nursing, and my children are all brilliant, I'm pretty sure there's a connection.

soybeanlover said...

...and we call America civilized. Nerdy didja know. The Czech republic has THREE years of maternity leave. Cause obviously six weeks of maternity leave is what's hurting the economy.

I'll totally take on anon #1 for you so you can take a nap.

vanessa said...

Don't you dare judge Millionaire Matchmaker like that, the new season starts it helps me stay awake for Shae's last feeding. Oh yes it does.

vanessa said...

*and it (i need to pre-read my comments before I hit submit!)