jetsetgreen

Monday, November 28, 2011

HELP YOU GUYS

When we stayed last week at the crappy time share in Orlando I noticed a cockroach on the floor of our bedroom.

A COCKROACH.

I pulled all our luggage and everything up off the floor and into the wire shelving. I noticed that this particular time share "suite" didn't actually have a seal under the front door, so you could see the light from the outside shining into the "suite." Not so great for keeping small, or not so small, creatures out of the house.

Today, while back at my mother-in-law's immaculately clean home, I was sitting on the bed in the guest bedroom nursing Lulu when I saw A COCKROACH CRAWLING OUT OF MY LUGGAGE WHAT IN THE I CAN'T THIS IS SO GROSS THIS IS DISGUSTING FLORIDA.

I grabbed it and flushed it.

Tonight, I walked back to our bedroom where Lulu is sleeping AND THERE WAS ANOTHER FOUL DISGUSTING COCKROACH I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS. GRABBED AND IT RAN AND FAKED ME OUT BUT I AM SMARTER THAN THE COCKROACH AND I FLUSHED ITS DISGUSTING SHINY BROWN CARCASS DOWN THE TOILET.

Then I called Joe and he said to put all the luggage in the garage tonight and then I will need to wash everything, inspect the luggage, and SHUT THIS MOFO DOWN ASAP. Which I am doing, believe me, and then he calmly and gently asked me where Lulu was sleeping AND YOU GUYS MY BABY MY BABY COCKROACHES IN THE ROOM WITH MY BABY. SHE'S IN A PACK AND PLAY THAT'S RAISED OFF THE FLOOR AND WILL SHE BE OK BECAUSE COCKROACHES AND I SWEAR I CAN FEEL THEM CRAWLING IN MY HAIR ALL THE TIME NOW. All of this made my bowl of ice cream EXTREMELY UNPALATABLE.

Joe said the GOOD NEWS is that they probably WILL NOT have had time to LAY A BUNCH OF EGGS SO IF I CAN GET EVERYTHING OUT OF THE SUITCASES AND WASH EVERYTHING WE SHOULD BE OK CRAP CRAP CRAP WHAT IF THEY INFEST MY HOME?

I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.

 YOU GUYS YOU GUYS

 COCKROACHES.

 FLORIDA.

34 comments:

myimaginaryblog said...

Well, they're not bedbugs.

myimaginaryblog said...

(I know--that was cold. I am very sorry about the cockroachian disruption of your peace and security.)

AzĂșcar said...

Oh, believe me, I was remembering all the tell-tale signs of bedbugs from watching 20/20 and CBS News and inspecting our beds and furniture ruthlessly. I didn't see anything.

BUT

EWWWWWW.

~j. said...

*clink!*

Mrs. Organic said...

Aww, cockroaches aren't so bad. I lived with them for 4.5 years. Just tape the drains over with duct tape every night. And if any of them make it home with you, rest assured the cold winter air will finish them off.

But ewwwwwwww.

Emily said...

I am dying and squirming after reading that. I have yet to see a cockroach in real life. I can wait.

Leisha said...

Welcome to the south! I grew up in Houston. My mother kept an immacutely clean home. However, the giant tree cockroaches (roughly the size of your hand) would fly in the door, down the chimney and hitch a ride indoors on clothing. I thought nothing of it at the time... now? Horrifying.

Carrot Jello said...

My friend in Texas has giant tree roaches trying to get in her house all the time. *shudder*
I'm just glad I live in Seattle. Yes, we have slugs, but they don't move fast or try to get into your house.
Good luck.
Never go to Florida again.

brinestone said...

I hate hate hate that creepy crawly feeling wondering how many things are infested and where they're going to crawl out next. I've never experienced cockroaches, per se, but finding Indian meal worms in my dry food for months despite trying to seal everything off was quite enough for a while.

the emily said...

OH OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOH OHOH OHHHHHHHHHHH I CANNOT HANDLE IT. I'm not even there and I cannot handle it. I can't believe you GRABBED them. Like with your HAND?? Oh I can't stop shivering and freaking out and THEY'RE ON ME GETTHEMOFFGETFHEMOFFNOW!!!!! AHHHHH! There was a full-on tarantula outside my front door this summer. I cried.

Jillybean said...

Crossing Florida off the list of otential vacation destinations.......

Jillybean said...

"potential"

Tamsin said...

I am passing out with horror as I type this. Seriously. I made it to the 30 before even seeing a cockroach, and even that was at the aquarium. You have my deepest eeewwwww.

Annette Lyon said...

Shudder. Creepy crawlies on my back and scalp. Eewwww!

Delirious said...

cockroaches: perhaps one of my greatest phobias.

Laura: The Sushi Snob said...

After growing up in Houston, I can't say enough about investing in an exterminator. Seriously. My parents house gets sprayed about twice a year, and they only have to deal with flushing the carcasses.

And sorry, I have to laugh at you people who have never had to deal with them. Laugh mercilessly.

Mak said...

I totally feel you. The house we moved into this summer came with a roach infestation. NOT OK. On the upside I lost 10 lbs because of the anxiety and lack of appetite. It isn't clear from your post- but if they made it home with you, the very best thing is to a- keep the suitcases/clothes in the cold garage until you can go through them and inspect for eggs (look on the internets for what they look like) and buggies. The cold will kill any live ones. If you saw the one in your house, I'd have an exterminator come and spray ASAP before they can lay eggs- they likely won't have time if you do it fast. TNT pest and lawn control in Provo is awesome. Good luck!

AzĂșcar said...

No, we're not back yet. The kids and I are still in the Florida swamps.

Mary said...

Okay, first of all, that made me laugh really hard because, well, you are funny. Sorry about the bugs, though.

Secondly, this seems like a good time to mention how much I hate the word "carcass".

Andrea R said...

Ohhhh...should have warned you about that. Sorry.

ali said...

Aaaand I'll never be moving to the South. I'm dry heaving a bit over here...

Designade said...
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Designade said...
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Mak said...

SO the good and the bad news is that I don't know anything to do about them while you are there, other than they hate light, so if you want to leave a lamp on at night? Definately when you get home, store the suitcases in the nice cold garage to kill any hitchhikers and check them over carefully for eggs. Also, wash all the clothes in the hottest water they can stand. You shouldn't have to worry about them infesting your home at least. I'm so, so, sorry. Your post pretty much summed up all my feelings about them.

Heather M said...

Don't blame Florida!!! Cockroaches are everywhere. Sorry about the nasty timeshare though! There are actually worse things than cockroaches, but they rank high up there on the list of disgusting untouchables! So wash wash wash and maybe call a bug guy. Of course I live in AZ, so a bug guy is a total necessity! I have a date with mine every single month! Good luck detoxing from this experience!

Vern said...

I wasn't quite grasping the intensity of this situation, even with the abundant use of all caps. But when you mention that it interfered with your ability to eat ice cream?!

I get it now.

soybeanlover said...

They like humidity. I'm so glad it's cold here and I no longer have to dispatch them for my husband. You need a cockroach killing wife to do it for you. They are super gross, seal your food and trash well.

Miggy said...

Oh gurl...I know. I know the DISGUST that is cockroaches. They have 'em as big as pony's here in Texas and it is the worst.

Breathe in, breathe out.

You did the right thing. Get a can of bug spray that kills on contact--must say that, kill on contact-- and If you see ONE mofo cockroach you spray it's damn eyes out. And go ahead and google borax and cockroaches...that should also help just in case.

Don't worry, I think this will all be under control. I can't imagine that there will be any long term effects from this.

Mrs. Ordinary said...

Just like half of your commenters, my Texas background makes the cockroaches humorous. BUT, I just moved back to Utah and am living your roach anxiety in the form of MICE. ::shudder:: Shall we trade locations?

Anonymous said...

I had a similar problem when visiting inlays in NC. When I got home I kept all of the luggage in our garage and brought in clothing one laundry load at a time. Then I threw away my luggage. I feel your pain. I am so sorry. I could not sleep either. Good luck.

TheOneTrueSue said...

I couldn't comment on this because it was making me feel creepy crawly. AYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.

Although I'm with Mrs. Ordinary, to me mice are a thousand times worse. Because I've anthropomorphising them into evil little creatures who are intent upon getting all of my cheese. (I really love cheese.)

Rixa said...

The first house we bought had (unknown to us) a bad cockroach infestation. We tried all sorts of sprays that didn't work and finally knocked them out with boric acid. Love the stuff! It's non-toxic (well, don't go around eating it, but it's not like a pesticide). We shook it around all of our baseboards and then swept it underneath them as best we could. You could empty out your suitcases then shake the powder inside (to get anything hiding in cracks) and let it sit for a while. Between the cold and the boric acid, your bugs should be toast.

natalie holbrook said...

we've only had a roach in the apartment once (excuse me, "water bug" is what we new yorkers call them ???) and it was EXACTLY like this. ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK ICK. and stomping my feet and jazz hands and scrunched shoulders.

Christina said...

Florida = roaches.