Monday, November 21, 2011

The People Magazine

Cheers from the Sunshine State!

Last week I braved the fear of the titans and flew across the country with all three kids by myself.

It was mostly OK, until I lost my temper somewhere over Kentucky when E.G. refused to listen to my instructions to stay buckled-in on take-off; I batted at him with my three-week-old People magazine with Steve Jobs on the cover.

Steve Jobs! Still abusive after death!

Speaking of People, it's not normally a magazine I buy. I didn't even buy this instrument of child torture, Allison did and then gave it to me (obviously her fault.) I did, however, buy one copy of the Toddlers and Tiaras Double Issue Special People for the flight I took to Hawaii two months ago. I needed a magazine to read while holding the baby on my lap, something to occupy my brain and yet light enough to easily handle. I opened the People to a really large section on fashion. OK. Sure. Lots of pictures of women in party dresses. Too many pictures of women in party dresses. An annoying number of women in party dresses. Articles that were sneeze-length. By that time I was on to the cover story, which took up about 2 paragraphs, I nearly threw the magazine down the aisle. I plowed through that People in about 15 minutes, reading it cover-to-cover, and then had the rest of the 5 hour flight to get angry about not having anything else accessible to read. I don't know why I thought I could get a People and be set. People is a dentist office magazine (US Weekly is for pedicures, US News and World Report is for doctors offices.*)

I don't know what I was expecting, that every magazine is like the New Yorker? Where articles are 17 you better believe it pages, interrupted only by pithy cartoons and intellectual poetry? It's my own fault. I can't expect People to be what I want it to be, I'm not their target market. Wait, yes, I am. I still reject their publication. I need tiny, tiny type that's been stuffed and kerned into a dozen columns on a quarter page. There are never enough words to jam into my needy brain.

Breakthrough! Perhaps I wasn't just angry at E.G. for disobeying as I was at myself for oh I'm bored with this post now that the 1/2 cup of Coke I drank earlier has worn off.

Goodbye and goodnight from the Sunshine State.

*Magazines By Location of Optimal Perusal:

Dentist Magazines:

US Weekly

Doctor's Offices:
US News and World Report
The Economist

Planes and Traveling:
New Yorker
Vanity Fair
Entertainment Weekly

Do you have a magazine location list?


Kalli said...

NEWSFLASH! ASHTON AND DEMI ARE GETTING DIVORCED. And J Simp is pregnant and joining weight watchers after her baby is born!

I saw it on People this week. Just thought you should know.


AzĂșcar said...

I'm so glad you got that from People and not Inside Edition, Entertainment Tonight, E! Entertainment News, Showbiz Tonight, Access Hollywood, or YOUR MOM.

TheOneTrueSue said...

ASHTON AND DEMI ARE OVER? I'm - I'm so disillusioned now.

I am going to the dentist this afternoon so I guess I'll finally get the chance to read about it.

Hopefully they have an US Weekly because I just can't handle People magazine - they are so eternally obsessed with English royalty. I don't care about Kate and horsey-face. I just do not.

Reluctant Nomad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Organic said...

I swear Reader's Digest and Prevention are the only things left at the doctor's office. Well, and Highlights. Meh.

The dentist has all the good junk.

amy said...

I vote for Rolling Stone (excuse all the f words, though) and Martha Stewart for long car trips. And for some reason no waiting room I've been to for ages has any magazines. Not the dentist, pediatrician or mechanic. Humph.