Friday, February 24, 2012

My Week Off

For the first time in more than a year I decided to take a few days off of work. I did take two weeks off (almost three!) when I had Lulu, but I don't think that was exactly a vacation as much as it was putting the pieces of myself and my life back together after a baby shattered it. Babies! So cute! Such jerks!

Why didn't I plan ahead and secure a Forever Lazy for my days off is beyond me. This is such a personal failure, I am so disappointed by what could have been. Clearly, to maximize my week off, a Forever Lazy would need to be part of the picture. Not an actual picture, mind you, because under no circumstances would I be photographed in one of those things.

The laptop safely stowed on top of the entertainment center, I took my days off. I wore my horrible brown velour pants (they have witnessed everything from my JLo phase to three pregnancies and two labors,) and made a serious commitment to doing nothing.

Only it's hard for me to do nothing. So this is what I did instead:

  • Finished a painting. 
  • Cleaned the kitchen at least twice.
  • Thought about some really awesome and funny blog posts. 
  • Forgot those funny ideas.
  • Watched a twenty-year-old episode of Law & Order in the middle of the day. 
  • Rewound a razor commercial
  • Thought about how weird it is that Donald Sutherland is playing President Snow in The Hunger Games movie when I always pictured President Snow as Ron Paul (not a political statement.)
  • Watched all the Downton Abbey episodes I'd been saving (this is a political statement.)
  • Issued a memo to all household babies: stop growing.*
  • Went to lunch with some out-of-town friends at a location that is beyond my radius.
  • Got mad at Toddlers and Tiaras because no, your 15-month-old does not "love to shop," nor does she have "great fashion sense." 
  • Decided that my 7-month-old "hearts getting 170 on her LSATs" and "has a real affinity for international monetary policy."
  • Wrote a letter (in my head) "Dear Children's Clothing Designers, Stop making Peter Pan collars for babies. They never stay down. My baby always looks like a vampire."
  • Drank a Diet Coke at 11pm and stayed awake until 4am. For no reason.
  • Crawled under the covers during broad day light and napped two days in a row.
  • Lived the dream.

It was hard work doing nothing for four days in a row. I almost needed a vacation from my vacation of sitting around my house. I don't know how you ladies of leisure do it.

*The entire memo:


Brinestone said...

Which ladies of leisure? ;)

jennie w. said...

Glad I could spend my leisure with your leisure. Do you know what is even better? Having no job and all your kids in school. It is the best, most wonderful thing in the whole world.

One of these days I'm going to get a job, though. Having free time and no money is lame.

Delirious said...

Ha ha, that is so funny because I always pictured President Snow as looking like the mayor of munchkin land, only taller. :D

Lisa S said...

Found your blog through CJane. I'm really glad that you are so open with your depression and taking Zoloft. My 18 year old takes the low dose and I'm concerned about reproductive issues when the time comes for her...which isn't anytime soon. Those commercials on TV don't help. but the difference in her outlook on life is amazing. I have my happy little girl back. I'm just sorry I didn't address it in 10th grade.

Kym said...

I like to call myself a "lay-at-home-mom". Staying home is work, isn't it?

Emily said...

Best leisure time ever! And velour pants rock when taking a day or two (or four) off. I have a pair myself I bust out for special occasions like that.

Mary said...

Seriously.. What is the DEAL with collars on baby clothes?! They are ridiculous.

Unknown said...

Laughing about the fact that you had a JLo phase.

beckmarsh said...

This post was the antidote to a very dark mood brought on by reading too much Frank McCourt. So thanks. I've put on my paint-stained blue velour pants in your honor.