For the first time in more than a year I decided to take a few days off of work. I did take two weeks off (almost three!) when I had Lulu, but I don't think that was exactly a vacation as much as it was putting the pieces of myself and my life back together after a baby shattered it. Babies! So cute! Such jerks!
Why didn't I plan ahead and secure a Forever Lazy for my days off is beyond me. This is such a personal failure, I am so disappointed by what could have been. Clearly, to maximize my week off, a Forever Lazy would need to be part of the picture. Not an actual picture, mind you, because under no circumstances would I be photographed in one of those things.
The laptop safely stowed on top of the entertainment center, I took my days off. I wore my horrible brown velour pants (they have witnessed everything from my JLo phase to three pregnancies and two labors,) and made a serious commitment to doing nothing.
Only it's hard for me to do nothing. So this is what I did instead:
- Finished a painting.
- Cleaned the kitchen at least twice.
- Thought about some really awesome and funny blog posts.
- Forgot those funny ideas.
- Watched a twenty-year-old episode of Law & Order in the middle of the day.
- Rewound a razor commercial
- Thought about how weird it is that Donald Sutherland is playing President Snow in The Hunger Games movie when I always pictured President Snow as Ron Paul (not a political statement.)
- Watched all the Downton Abbey episodes I'd been saving (this is a political statement.)
- Issued a memo to all household babies: stop growing.*
- Went to lunch with some out-of-town friends at a location that is beyond my radius.
- Got mad at Toddlers and Tiaras because no, your 15-month-old does not "love to shop," nor does she have "great fashion sense."
- Decided that my 7-month-old "hearts getting 170 on her LSATs" and "has a real affinity for international monetary policy."
- Wrote a letter (in my head) "Dear Children's Clothing Designers, Stop making Peter Pan collars for babies. They never stay down. My baby always looks like a vampire."
- Drank a Diet Coke at 11pm and stayed awake until 4am. For no reason.
- Crawled under the covers during broad day light and napped two days in a row.
- Lived the dream.
It was hard work doing nothing for four days in a row. I almost needed a vacation from my vacation of sitting around my house. I don't know how you ladies of leisure do it.
*The entire memo: