Monday, April 30, 2007


If my baby cries my mother turns on me.
Her eyes narrow as she says,
hisses really,
“What did you eat?”

My response, “Noooothing!” whining like I’m 13, not 31 (today) and not a grown wife and mother (but that’s another post.)

Here’s the truth:
I probably did eat something and I can eat it no longer.

I gave up chocolate. Just for balance I’m giving up broccoli too. Don’t fret! No tears! It’s temporary.
Proximo doesn’t like chocolate. It’s too acidic and when I eat it he screams as if a thousand tiny daggers are piercing him. Drama queen.
The universe requires balance, so he feels the same way about broccoli. I like chocolate AND broccoli, although not in the same fondue if you know what I mean.
This is hard on all fronts.
What does that mean, "gave up chocolate"? I can eat Nutella on whole wheat and it doesn't seem to effect Prox. I cannot eat dark chocolate pieces, that's for sure. Exactly how many chips in a cookie before it's a no-go?
Are all cruciferous veggies out? What about dark leafies? Raw or steamed, does it make a difference? I guess I'm living on the edge since I ate both peas and green beans for dinner (two helpings!)
Then again, don't tell my mom, but it seems like he just cries between 2 and 6 am no matter what I eat. So there.
For my birthday mom & family are going to Spain without me. Boo.
Normally I am working and can't go. This year I have the time and might have even been able to scrounge up the money. But can you imagine traveling with a one month old and a three year old across the Atlantic? I CAN. No trip this year for me. Extra boo.
To make me feel better, Utah decided to have the hottest day of the year. We didn't turn on the air conditioning. It felt plenty like Spain in this house.
What is with Europeans and their severe distrust of air conditioning? For those of you who have never been, you can bring that up as a reason why. "I hear they don't believe in air conditioning, " you could say, and you would be right. "Well," the Brits and Germans would say, "We go on holiday during the really hot months." Right, but where are they going?
SPAIN, where it's even hotter and there's still no air conditioning.
Sometimes I don't get that E.U.
Don't take back my passport, ok?
Oh, yeah, that's what my mom got me: my E.U. passport.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go, Proximo is screaming. Why? I give up!


metamorphose said...

Sorry about the chocolate refrain. And not being able to go to Spain.


Emily said...

Feel this pain. Gave up chocolate, too. The things we do! And the process of elimination is SO nebulous, of all the things we eat, it's so hard to figure out exactly which one(s) makes those painful little gas bubbles. Birthday dreams come true! Wish you could go to Spain. ht

Emily said...

and uh...i don't know how the "ht" showed up at the end of that comment. mistake. please disregard.

Lindsey said...

I thought about giving up dairy, chocolate, and a few other things, but then I thought the following:

I would pretty much have to stop eating.

Happy Birthday!!

mander said...

Yet another thing that scares me about having babies... one more thing to look forward to!

Happy birthday!!

Queen Scarlett said...


I had to do the same thing for Miss Melia. Chocolate... my other lover had to go on hiatus. And spicy food...

Speaking of Spain... have you been to Marbella?

sarah k. said...

I'm shedding large, sparkling tears for you. I cannot, nay, WILL not give up chocolate. Although I have recently become even more of a chocolate snob (if you've never been to Hatch Family Chocolates, in S.L., I suggest you don't, because you will never go back to crappy supermarket chocolate again without being disgusted at the inferiority) I still cannot fathom a life without chocolate.

Also, I travelled across the country by myself with a 1 month old and a 2 year old. I switched planes at O'Hare. It was the worst nightmare. I think you made the right choice.

Tori :) said...

Happy Birthday!
You are a good mom. If it were me I would have said "Hmm, chocolate, breast-feeding, chocolate, breast-feeding..." Chocolate would have won. You rock.

April said...

Happy Birthday!

No chocolate? I'm crying inside for you. But, because I adore you, I will increase my intake of chocolate to keep the world balanced. It'll be difficult, but I'll manage somehow. I'm a trooper.

~j. said...

Happy Birthday! Oh, yes! It will be!

wendysue said...

Ugh. I hate that game of "what did I do" when it comes to screaming newborns. As if the post-partum hormones aren't enough, let's add some guilt. And what is with this summer time spring stuff. Yesterday it was 90 degrees here! I caved and put the A/C on. Could it have waited at least until May Day??

Sleep well and dream of large piles of dark chocolate.

La Yen said...

Um, can't you take some Beano? Or give the kid a shot of Jack? What about just getting him used to it? Life is not all flowers and sausages, and he should suck it up. Because I got you Sharffen Bergen for your birthday, and now what do I have to do? Go back to the freaking store. This kid has one strike from me. Let him know.

Kiki said...

(upside-down !)FELIZ CUMPLEANOS!

Emily said...

I recommend: traveling to Spain with children if your mother is traveling with you and she's helpful with the kids, simethicone drops and lots of it, avoiding broccoli in all varieties and forms while breastfeeding, and being 31.

compulsive writer said...


sue-donym said...

Lots of simethicone and wean him back onto chocolate.

proximo, quit being such a BABY!

Can I go to Spain instead? I'll take pictures.

You looked fabulous today!

Emily said...

I also recommend: air conditioning and (one of) the place(s) in Spain where Europeans go to vacation--topless beaches in Tenerife.

Emmie said...

It's still your birthday in CA, so Happy Birthday!!

I'll be bringing you your (non-chocolate) Trader Joe's treats soon . . .

Tiffany said...

Can I just tell you that the first go around I read the first line as:

"If my baby cries my mother turns me on"

I thought, what is that supposed to mean??? ha ha.

kristenlibrarian said...

Hope you had a rockin' good birthday!

Chelle said...

Our birthdays are one day apart. No wonder we are both so freakin' cool. Happy Birthday!

Melody said...

Binge blogger that I am, I didn't notice your birthday on your actual birthday, but happy birthweek to you anyway.

Love your Mormon commentary. So true.

And as for the "giving up of things" for one's beloved children - it's probably not news to you - but chocolate and broccoli are only the beginning...