Sunday, November 15, 2009
The thoughts come so fast, spilling into one another, that you feel light-headed. Even though you try to get a grip on your brain, it doesn't work, and you keep spinning, spinning, spinning. You try to narrow your eyes to focus, but it doesn't work like that; your vision doesn't need to focus, it's your brain.
You can't pick a task, you certainly can't finish a task, as soon as you decide on one thing your thoughts move to the next, and the next, and the next. Holding a conversation becomes nearly impossible. A person is talking and you can't respond to the last thing they said because you've already moved 9 steps ahead. You say words and then stop in the middle of sentence, trying to retrace where you were when the thought went skipping beyond your grasp only to have it replaced by 18 more thoughts. The deluge is too much.
Do spinning days happen before creatively productive periods, or after? Are they the precursor to clever ideas, or the fall out from highly concentrated brainstorming? Can a pattern be found? A friend wrote once that there are idea people and execution people. Idea people divine brilliant ideas but won't see them to fruition. Execution people don't often have ideas, but they know a good one and can take an idea to unprecedented places. Do you know which you are? I love execution people because my rush of ideas can't go anywhere without their measured steps. Execution people don't have spinning days, do they? I doubt it, their mental organization is too regimented. Meanwhile, here I sit, moving faster than light.
Sometimes I can control the spinning with noise-canceling headphones and loud music aimed through my ears to the firing synapses; neural counter-pressure. Other days focus eludes me no matter what I do. I hopelessly blink while the whirl speeds images and ideas through my consciousness. Whiz-bang-flash.
Do you spin?