Spanish Tortilla

I make this thing called tortilla. Why? Because my mom made it, my abuela made it, her abuela made it (when they had oil. And when they had no oil, they ate sand.)

Chances are that if you've been to my house for breakfast or brunch, you've had a slice.

I always have people ask how to make it (along with the garlic aioli) so I put the recipe together for Marie over at Make and Takes.

It's totally authentic. It's perfect for spring, summer, or because you heart easy food. It's how we roll in España.

How to make Spanish tortilla!

Snacks

Proximo made me a snack. The butter hunks were particularly delectable (Kirkland vintage 2011.) The nickel was because he loves me (also evidenced, I guess, by the cookie cutter heart used to cut the bread.)

The news today of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed current trial plans reminded me of this post, Mastermind, which made me laugh all over again.


What I wrote for you in other places:

Do you listen to old people music? (Hint: yes.)

Are you Today's MILF? (Hint: I cannot possibly answer this question for you.)

Do you dread Saturday evening or Sunday morning phone calls? (Hint: I have exhausted this construct and yet persisted in using it.)

I'm Everywhere, Including The Hospital!

Today is my gestational diabetes test. I volunteered to do the 3 hour fasting test instead of the 1 hour take and drink test. I fail the 1 hour test every time, so it's not worth having to drink that horrific concoction twice when I can drink it once and be super uncomfortable just once. So I'm hanging at the hospital where, when I asked the front desk about wireless access, they helpfully pointed me to a wall plug.

(Here's how you do the test, in case you're interested: You don't eat for 10-12 hours. Go to the hospital, they take a blood sample. They give you this glucose drink that tastes like soda, but 3 times as sweet and flat. It is awful. You wander around for an hour, they take more blood. You sit and wait for an hour, they take more blood. You do NOT drive, because you will probably pass out, you sit down and wait for another hour, and they'll take more blood. If you're lucky, your body processes the glucose at the right rate and you are not diabetic.)

In the meantime, I'm not just at the hospital!

Commercial Brats over at Today's Mama

They Should Not Contend over at Segullah

It's Bananas over at Sell Party of


Kisses!

My Lipstick isn't Here

And neither am I....

Take a look at technophobes and technophiles at worship over at Segullah.

See the 11 Things (not resolutions!) that I'm trying accomplish in 2011 over at Today's Mama. (I may have stacked the deck.)

Last Monday at Segullah: Holdouts

I'm over at Segullah today talking about a bunch of holdouts.

Segullah: I Am Pathetically Lonely!

I'm also over at Segullah today where I confess that I don't have any friends.

(Stop laughing, it's true!)

Mom It Forward: Scary Movies!

I wrote about scary movies for Mom It Forward.

Yes, I wrote about scary movies.

Yes, I understand the irony of disliking scary movies, and yet, also writing a recommended list of them for your Halloween enjoyment--if your idea of sick Halloween enjoyment is having the crap scared out of you. (You're so weird.)

Caution: I haven't even watched some of the movies I recommended because I am too scared to watch them!

Guest Post: Is This Really My Life?

Emily asked me to fill out a Mad Libs Monday for her, and then

(SPOILER)

I DID.

Go check it out!

Project Project

As you're reading this paragraph, this very one, I will be attempting to stuff a quilt into the small right-hand section of the sewing machine, pushing the batting and fabric more compactly to squeeze in the stitches--I may even break a sweat.

I will also be experiencing full on desire for chips and salsa. I haven't been able to find a good salsa lately, do you have a recommendation? The first person to say Pace will receive a crusty-eyed squint and significant derision in mixed company.

Is there a worse snack than chips and salsa when quilting? Maybe triple fudge cake that you have to eat with your fingers because you don't have any utensils. (Rest easy, homeless children, I don't have triple fudge cake, either.)

Tamsin asked me to guest post for her, on the occasion of finding out that her baby will be a boy. I thought long and hard about what I would say to a woman who just found out she is carrying a boy. (Lock up your Sharpies! You can't leave those utility knives laying around anymore! Do you have enough trains/cars/planes?) I came up with something called Beautiful Things.

Guest Post: I Don't Use Pickup Lines

It took months of cajoling and one missed deadline, but I finally got my cubicle neighbor, sometime friend, and almost twin Brawley Avalon to write a guest post. What happened? We witnessed him work his magic on a cute girl at Five Guys. I so rarely see a pickup in action anymore (my life is all black tie parties and specious dinner clubs, where pickup lines are highly discouraged,) I begged him to share How It Works...

I don’t use pickup lines.

Is a great pickup line! Now you understand how pickup lines work.

What movie is this from? “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!”

Is another great pickup line! Showing a strong knowledge of pop culture early can give your Relationshipmobile great mileage. What other movie lines might he know! Is often what a woman is left thinking. Plus Patrick Swayze.

Knock knock!

Is another great pickup line. Girls are attracted to men who can make them laugh, unless they’re balding. Then forget it! Also, if your BMI is over 25. Then you’re best resigning yourself to another adage, which is that “laughter is the best medicine,” which is to say women see you as a balding, pudgy doctor with mild healing powers.

Is this yours?

Can be a great pickup line, unless you’re pointing to something currently in their possession.

Did you drop this?

Can be a great pickup line, unless it’s something of yours (in that instance, refer to “Is this yours?” above).

Hey!

Is for horses.

Can I get your opinion on something?

Without waiting for a response, and followed immediately by a non-controversial query about anything but religion, politics, sports or her tanning lotion, can be a great pickup line. I recommend asking how she feels about anklets, or euthanasia.

Do you believe in spells?

Is a great pickup line, provided you can follow with Real Spells! The best spells use colored handkerchiefs, small animals that can cry out in pain, and quarters. For maximum effect, quote The Prestige to make her think of Hugh Jackman while looking at you. Another way to do this is to grow mutton chops.

Did you see the fight outside?

Is a great pickup line, unless there really was a fight involving you and her boyfriend and the blood streaming from both nostrils is yours.

Don’t you love Twilight?

Is a great pickup line for all ages. My sister left the last book out. I was curious! She left them all out, actually. I didn’t have a job for awhile. Best the second time through.

Brawley Avalon is the nom de plume of a guy searching for his other half (is it you?) in the Florence of the West, where he was once dumped by a girl because he wasn't enough like Edward.

The Four Horsemen

Ok, so *gum snap* my husband is totally smart. Please enjoy The Jet Set's first ever guest blog courtesy of my Other Half.

So I’m finishing up my family science requirement and I kind of feel as though I can look down my nose at the curriculum because of my contextual background. The examples in the assigned text refer to forms of dysfunctional families; for instance having a man berating his wife, or a couple not allowing their kids to develop independence.

In my quest to make the bad textbook (that actually came with the disclaimer that it is an under-researched field without much knowledge content) stop, I came across the chapter on communication wherein the group of the most detrimental styles of expression was referred to as

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse of Communication.

Right. Because when I argue with Azúcar and overly defend myself, it just might trigger the destruction of the wicked tares of wheat and the Savior’s return.

How am I supposed to want to get a MS or PhD someday when some jackass made me drop $120 on a textbook that can’t discern between “stonewalling” and a plague floating around killing kids?

There’s no excuse for defining or labeling something that does not need a quick way to refer to it. For example, it’s too cumbersome to constantly say “that thing where you take two numbers and then figure out how they come together as one.” So in my classes, we called that addition.

That’s why this family science class is a load of crap: the whole course is someone deciding what they want to call things that regular people can talk about without family science trying to carve out a place for itself.

Besides, this course is just a case example of calculus and group theory anyways, dumbed down for family science majors. I’d embellish to make my point but I’d hate to put your food storage to the test against the rider of the black horse.

Sorry to those of you who constantly refer to things in your daily life in apocalyptic terms (e.g., "This is the The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse of Grocery Checkout Lines!") If you want to quibble with Other Half, or ask him a question, feel free.